7th June 2010

Hi there,
today is my first day for study week. Trust me, it is extremely stressful and lonely to stay in the room, with nothing much around. No entertainment, but just all stacks of books waiting for you to flipped through and a list of video lectures to listen over and over again, just to get used to the accent of the Australian accents. It is totally terrible and horrified.

Just finish taking my heavy meal, pumpkin soup and stir fry pumpkin chicken mushroom. Haha. Kinda tasty actually ( oh well, it seems flattering myself over here, or perhaps I just want to take a short break while having my lunch). I recalled those days while I were having my finals in UTAR. I don't remember that I was so bad feeling as compared to now. Here, totally different. Haiz, I really regretting to study such situation, but no choice and have to get use to it and forced myself to go on. Somehow, at some critical point, my mind collapse, thought of getting way easy by just ending my life like that. Somehow it seems not worthy thinking it rational, but that the moment I really had the courage to do as such.

Well, I guess I would most likely to teach more than studying here like hell. There is a friend of mine, who stay overnight in the lab just to study... Sounds crazy right? Well, I think to others, I am as such as well, but the only difference is I study at home rather than outside. Outside was just too cold, and I don't even to step out from my door. It is winter now, but no snowing. Haha. I doubt there aren't snow in Canberra.

Another few more days, my exam C result will be out. Trust me, most likely I don't think I will pass again. Another anxious and disappointment is waiting for me again .

Have to continue to listen my video lecture then. Miss you a lot and add oil in your work.

hugs

Thanks!!!!:)

Ha, Thank you so much for your wishes... I know you are now damn busy and stressful, i can empathise your situation now. So, i do really hope that you dont go crazy and can successfully graduated from your Universiti. You know what, somehow in my thinking, i know you can do it one. So just try your best my friend!!!

Semester started last week, i have been in the stressful mode everyday. I think i also reached the stressful limit. I know it is not so tough but some how my concept still isn't there. Hence, this causing me feel so stressful and really lead me back to the previous stage when i first entering UTAR. Haiz, i got a bad memorised capability. I can't really know why the previous stage i can understand but after one semester, i forgot most of the thing and it required me to study the whole thing again. So, i damn hate myself...bad brain!!!!

ok la, so i need to work soon as 11am i got class. Nice to see you here and miss you a lot!!!Take care and love you~~~

3rd Jun 2010

Happy birthday my dear lovely best friend,
sorry for the long no reply blog. I am preparing for my final.
Well, not that well, since I have a lot more to catch up and the stress level has reached the limit.
Sorry that I couldn't celebrate with you this year, which deep in heart I really wish to do so.
But I would like to wish you here,
Happy birthday my sze wang,
I love you!!

Thu

Sorry for SOOO long never enter to our blog, as you know, semester is going to start and lots of things need to follow up in the recent day. So how are you recently? Still mugging and stressful? Hope that you can do well in your final my dear.

Yesterday just received my time table, luckily it is not more than 27 hours, only 24 hours. But i still need to beware that some subjects are repeated unit and the number of students can increase in no time. Hence, i just can say that the working load now is just an approximate load, indeed. Ha ha so recently, i am quite busy with the note and studying materials preparation. Time flies, June is coming, i already worked in UTAR for 1 years. This indicates that i already older for one more year, getting older and older.

Em, how's is kitty? if he still bullying you, i will kick his butt and punge him as hard as i can.
ha.

hope to get your reply ... take care!

Friday

hihi my dear friend,
sorry for the late reply. Knowing that you are going back to Penang today, I am hereby to wish you having a safe and enjoyable trip.

Kinda stress recently as the final is just around the corner. Many things to read but yet little time to study. Somehow get demotivated whenever facing the piles of books to read. Oh gosh, life is kinda miserable now.

Basically nothing much happen, besides entering lectures and studying. Well, tomorrow is a grocery shopping day, hoping that tomorrow can take a slight relax, and back to the normal routine after tomorrow. Oops, haiz, this reminds me that tomorrow I need to clean my apartment again. Haiz, kinda lazy but no choice, still have to do.

I just woke up not long ago, and hoping to do some revision before class, but somehow the words dint really go into my head. Recently learning about stochastic process, which all the while I am not good in handling such questions. Haiz, I really don't like CTF subject, and doubting whether I can pass this subject.
Take care ya my lovely friend.

wednesday

Hi my dear friend, how are you recently? I assumed that you must be quite busy recently with your assignments and studies. About my paper, i hope that it will not be any following afterwards. I really really fed up with this kind of way. I feel i am cheating to myself and my students, I feel guilty. My guiltiness is wandering around my mind and heart, i think i need to take time to get it away. It has been a nightmare to me.

Anyway, this coming friday i am going back to penang for one week to celebrate late mother's day with my family.

Ya, now actually is a break for my training, so hope to see your reply soon

Take care. Love you

TODAY is a terrified day for me

Dear my friend hui hui, starting from yesterday night, i am in a great depression. You know why? because i started my marking session. Marking is one thing, but looking at their results make me heart beating faster and some more blood pressure goes up. My students were doing very very badly. Actually there were some signs by looking at their tests. I can't blame them as this is my fisrt time setting paper for new subject. I set my paper before week 3 and during week 8 or 9, by investigating their performances, i just realised that my paper is too high for their standards. I am quite regret for that, but i cant change anything on the paper. Now is the time that i need to face the problem. Their results are too low, i predict that there will be 60 to 70 % of students less than 50 marks. Oh my god, they need to repeat the whole course if like that, and i am the one who make them to suffer again. I feel so bad now, hence i am now trying to mark as lenient as i can to bring up the average. Oh gosh, i am now in great depression!!!

I supposed to send you some pictures but i have no time. Pls forgive me.

Another thing is try to turn on your relax mode before you enter the exam hall as this is what you have thought me while we were having exam. So dont stress, my dear.

I am now really moody, i need to write report for that. I = William sue, because i still remembered he can fail half of the students in the class and same as i did now. Actually i dont want to do that, and the time i came out the paper was just week 3. Hence it is hard for me to judge before i start to know them. OH my!!!

take care and hugs! Jiayou for your exam. you can do it!!!

Friday 20April 2010

Good morning my friend,
sorry for the late reply, had been busying with study these few days, as my exam is just around the corner, which is coming Monday. In fact, there are many things that haven't get remembered and stuff into my head. Haha. I guess I am pretty in stress condition now. I really want to get rid the feeling of under stress... It was really unfavorable feeling right this moment.

Those are really fabulous pictures. Oh my, I would say this is so called life, where you can go nice places most the time, enjoying your time, rather staying at home and study hard like no life. Well, I start to get tired of studying and caged myself in the room, but no choice. How much I wish to go around the world and get lots of experiences.

Well, it is just your standing position that seems that you are having a great tummy, but that a fake scene I would say. However, you getting more attractive!! I said that sincerely.. hehe. You seems like having happier life and I would be much content knowing this. Keep in up my friend.

I would send my mother a card today, and hope to arrive before Mother's day. Well, I believe that you are going back to Penang to pay a visit to your mum right? So envy that you are able to meet your mum, as I really do miss my mother a lot.

Take care ya my friend, hugs

Wednesday

hi my dear friend, sorry for late reply.

Monday, i went to borrow 22 books of comic in a book shop and intended to finish it slowly. Nowadays, rental for a book is RM1. So 22 books have already used RM22 of mine, hence i am in poor situation now. You want to adopt me? ha ha

The photos attached are taken from I-City,which is a place that in between Klang and Shah Alam, it is very near to Klang ba kut tea. All the trees are made of different colour lights.It makes me feel like Korea. I went with fatty and we took many of pictures. I just sent you few that i think are nice. If next time you are back, we go one more round and take some nice photos there.

oh ya, for the 1st picture, do you notice something changes on me? I can see that, my tummy is getting bigger and bigger. I am so ugly in the picture, i shouldn't have send you but because i want to show you my tummy, so did you see that?

So 2mr i will upload pictures of my room to you. bye bye

muaz

*the pictures with you and kitty are so sweet, SWEET like a candy, It made my sensitive teeth pain. oops....:)

monday anzac day

hi...
today I am having holiday as today is Anzac Day... some kind of public holiday in Australia. How are you today. As requested, these are the pictures that we took two days ago...

Photo section

ha, these one supposed to post to you before i move to my new room. For the new room photos will send to you next week. Must wait patiently. cheers!!

Sunday sunday

Hi my friend, how are you today? After reading your blog, i know that you are trying hard to put down your feeling towards her, and i am quite pleased for this. Even though you are trying to let go, it is better than you indulge yourself in sad mode and wash your face with tears everyday. You need to put a full stop here and continue your own journey.

It is good that kitty is around you, i think he is trying his best to make you happy again. So you can increase one more credit for him, in your heart. Don't let him know because for sure that he will be proud of that and start to make compliment of himself.

Actually I haven't finished my work, but there are too many things which are unknown, hence what i can do is just insert everything that i think is appropriate for the proposal. You know what, i used back the Sudoku proposal and just made some amendments. If want me to write from empty, then i think i also couldn't finish so fast. Luckily everything i still kept in my mail box, as you know i never delete anything inside my mail box. This is the advantage of keeping everything, but disadvantage is there will be filled with rubbish.

Yesterday went out with my kuma and grandma for dinner with my kuma's friends. Frankly speaking, I really dont like the feeling while with my kuma's friends, although they are good, but i felt stress. It made me feel like an idiot having dinner with them because in their eyes, i am like a stupid girl. Maybe because my kuma scolded me just because i didnt't bring tissue. You know me, i not the kind of person bringing tissue everyday, so logically i seldom bring tissue along. Suddenly grandma coughing, my kuma asked me for tissue, i said i dont have ,then she questioned me why i dont have tissue? her expression with anger about my forgetful. I felt shamed actually, i dont know where i should look at.What i done was, i acted steadily by looking around with nothing-happened face to face them. I know they dont care, but my self esteem was trembling inside my heart. So now i need to learn how to let go of the anger and hatred. That's why i am not willing to join her for dinner or lunch because it is really stressful and tired for acting.

Sorry for keeping on complaining but after telling you, it somehow released my anger. Ha ,thanks.(dont ask me why i said thanks)

Final exam will start on tomorrow and my busy time is reaching~marking papers.

So, next week you will be in Sidney and take care. Dont stess as i know you can do it.

add oil!! hughs

Sunday

Good morning my dear friend,
How is your work tasks now? Have you done everything you are necessarily to? Yesterday early morning, as usual we went to Canberra city for weekly groceries. However this time we shorten our grocery period. Not much in purpose, but it seems that we walked a bit faster and kitty was tired the whole journey of shopping. I guess this few days he had been tired of comporting due to the unexpected incident happened. Truly I was in great depression after knowing that, had been crying on and off. However the frequency had gone done, perhaps knowing that nothing much can be done crying over the split milk. I will continue trying to stay strong.

Again, I review her news again, knowing that deep in heart I should have let go. but her cheerful smiling lingering my mind, her smile, her kindness and everything. haiz..

I boiled soy milk with pure soy bean yesterday, to keep my mind away since the steps of doing so was tedious. I just hope that by doing something will drift away my mind somehow, without thinking back what I were not supposed to.

Btw, yesterday kitty and I had booked a hotel studio in Sydney for my coming exam. It seems like a short and sweet honeymoon to us, however it costs to our pockets. Haha. Just per night, the charged rate was Aus 190 per person. Oh gosh, this is really costly, but no choice since there was no friend around that we knew, but have to pay. It is not really a honeymoon though since I was kinda pressure by the exam. At this moment, there are many more questions that I could not solve. Oh god, please release me from all this.

Have to stop by now. Hope you have a nice weekends. I am having holiday tomorrow as it is a Anzac Day.

THURSDAY

dear my friend, just finished some translations which assigned by my director, i feel so tired now. How are you now? feeling better? Dont be sad anymore and your friend is not willing to see you crying for her, she will feel sad. So cheers!

My eyes now every pain and my brain like a dry well, or empty botol, can't think of any thing.
Just now i heard you cried, i felt so sad. Life is like that, it is fragile, we must love ourselves. Although we are always being hurt, one thing very important is our thinking, if we let our mind wandering in the sadness, then we never recover. We need to face the fact and accept the truth, and be optimistic no matter what kind of situation, then we only can stand in the pain and recover. I am a person who more easy to sad than happy, after knowing you, you let me have a concept of happy go lucky, when i met something undesirable, i always think of you, then i started to cheer myself. So, when you are sad now, i will give you the same advice like you gave me, dont think too much, be optimistic, then the world will be wonderful.

Ha, i am a lay man, we have emotion, no matter how, seize the every moment now, and dont let lementation ronger our feeling, we need to conquer it. So, jia you for you and try to be happy.

My collegue Ms Leong gave me lots of games that she received from her nephew, i am very happy. But unfortunately, i cant really play it as no time. Next week will be the final and i hope that everything happens smoothly because i need to mark paper. The concern for foudation lecturers is REMARKING, means that if the ave and std deviation are not fell in the range, then we are in the big trouble. We need to remark all over again try to make it in the range. SO SCARY, i dont want to do double work!!! Anyway, try my best to mark carefully.

You ar, dont make me worry you again o! Love you and take care... hugs

Wednesday

Hi my friend, recently i am quite busy with my work by filing all the materials and updating the coursework marks. Luckily today i managed to finish and the rest of the filing needs to wait after the final. So how are you? you must be very busy with your study as your exam near the corner.

Actually these few days nothing much to happen, just can remember what rush rush and rush. So how is your study? Dont be so stress and relax.

Later will go to see show with Ms Leong, "meet in Rome" hope that it will be a nice movie.

Sorry today cant write long, 2mr will give a long one. Muaz

take care

Sunday 18-4-2010

Hi my friend,
Wa... you really have a long hour of teaching for the coming semester.. .haha.. Good luck my dear... It may mean that your head of department has higher expectation on you, believe that you have the ability to teach them, or perhaps you have a good review from your students, that requesting you to teach more classes, so that they may have a equal chance to attend your class... This is a good sign!~ however it your salary are link to your number of hours of teaching as well?

I had been going out almost the whole day with kitty for grocery shopping. Managed to buy some pork bones at a cheaper rate, and amazingly I found lotus root! however, it was kinda costly, but once in awhile, I think it will be fine. Once we were back, we cleaned up the house together. I washed all the porks and packed into different plastic bags, while kitty is responsible to slice the pineapple. Haha. We proceeded vacuuming the house, and kitty was mopping the floor. Approximately 1 hour, everything was done. We went to bath and had a long nap. Well, doing house chores were tiring.

By the time we were awake, it was already at night. Had our dinner together, and we both sit down and having a good chat on the sofa.. Haha. The feeling was sweet and I fall asleep again , by leaning on his broad shoulder.Haa. I guess I was really tired and went to bed early..

Today will be preparing the braised lotus pork for lunch. Hope it turns our to be good. Take care my friend! hugs

Btw, we have a new mission( whether possible or not, it depends on the future), we want to go to the Africa together, and bringing few big packs of grains and drumsticks to feed the kid over there.. Haha

Friday

Hi... waiting for so long just able to sign in to this page, UTAR network really slow.
A bad new has been received this afternoon, my head of department, saying that tentatively i will have 27 hours of work load for next semester. I was like shocked but i acted to be steady and showed a face that i had already been prepared for this. Why i so shocked as i am the one who has the highest working load compare to them. I should be happy or sad? I told myself it is time to learn to work hard, but i still feel sad. Tentatively i will have 27hours, but now i received 11 hours of working load that are meant for main subjects, the other 16 hours are teaching repeated subjects. It is not confirmed about the repeated subjects for the hours of teaching, but i do really hope that the god will love me, and hopefully not so much of work load. One thing to mention is, even though if the repeators are less, then my work load might not be less because they will adjust it to make it balance that everyone holds similar hours.
NVM, this is the exact working life, i blame no one but myself that i should be optimistic toward this.

Ha, i am here as usual , and today is the last day for short semester students. Final exam is approaching, and i have to prepare to mark papers. Next week will be the study week , but i still cant rest because i still have long semester students here, and next week will be the last week for long semester students. I think you will be confused, long semester and short semester students mix together. Anyway, no rest for this coming few weeks, as exam papers are waiting for me.

I think this week i wont stay at my kuma's place, as i want to stay at my house. I will visit my grandma, but i wont stay there. Maybe my kuma will feel sad that i am not over night at her place, but if i keep on going to her house, if one day i am not going there, she will feel upset as she has already accumstanced my existance. I should not dissapoint her, but i just dont want to have such issue to happen so fast. Am i bad? i think so. I am still escaping from her....

Ya, so happy to hear from you about kitty's family, and i do hope that everything about you will go smoothly and well. take care.

These 2 days i may not send you any blog because not internet. You must not be sad because MOnday is coming soon and i will be here as usual!! take care. Hugs

Thursday (2)

Haha... Viewing our blog is my daily routine and today is my second time to write on our blog. I guess I miss you as much as you miss me, that is why, whenever I had my lunch( which usually I switch on my computer during lunch time), the first thing I will go is our blog. Oh well, usually I know that friday, saturday and Sunday turn me down to disappointment as you didn't update for those few days, busying entertaining your aunt.

I just had tuna Inari sushi for my lunch , together with an big Washington apple. How is your day besides teaching? Haha... well, you may feel bored of your job, but at least you still get a pay, whilst I was bored with my studies and remain no pay.

Early in the morning had been busying prepare breakfast for them. Nothing special, but just some dried noodles. After eating, we sat in the living room, and have a 1 hour chat... Haha. Basically I was there listening to them, while they all keep joking around. Haha. Well, I did enjoy the atmosphere, though there is little bit of embarrassment in it. Haha. This is the really first time I listen to his father, who is kinda of hilarious in his words. His friendliness lessen my guard, and I hope this is the good beginning.

Lonely at home now, while they all went around the city. I didn't want to follow, as I am afraid that may not have enough time to catch up my study on exam C. How much I wish you are here, and together we study in the living room. And by time up, we cook together. Despite that I have a housemate over here, but I never cook with her before. We both are just two separate individuals, that live in our own world. Well, we did chat everyday , while I was studying in the living room. Haha. I guess it will be a good experience to stay with you. And the best thing is we can go for grocery shopping for every weekend. haha. Well, I know it is impossible to achieve by now, but I am still longing those fantasies.

Have to resume my work then. Take care and have a nice day. I doubt you will be able to read this blog today again, since you have just replied me this morning. take care.

THURSDAY

Hi, my friend, i really miss you. Even though reading our blog like usual, it makes me almost want to cry out but eventually not because lot of people around me. I am very pleased to know that they were pleased with y0ur cooking. The most vital part is not the cooking, is that they are starting to accept you as the part of their life. It is very touch even though it is not me. I am very happy to know that, really happy. I can't let you see my heart now, as we are too far apart, but i know eventually you will know that. :)

Anyway, today nothing much happen. Teach and teach and teach, non stop teaching for every day. It seems like i am getting bored for my teaching life, but i think i have already adapted to it. Maybe i am getting pre-bored or pre-tired due to the working load have increased to 26- 27 hours per week for next semester. It makes me energiless and physical tiring by thinking the "me" in the coming semester. Forget about this 1st...temporary

I am waiting my collegues to have lunch, i am now starving for foods, they are still discussing some questions. OMG, hungry like ghost now. Luckily you are not here, otherwise you will see a neither a human nor ghost thing walking around, or maybe crawling around you, no doubt, that will be "me".

Trying hard is good thing as you are putting effort on you study but dont too much because it makes you feel stress. You are not slow just that you are making sure that your answer for each is correctly done. Hence, you are SAFE! haha, did you notice that every blog i write, the last one always say:dont stress! or blah....blah...

Take care and hugs.:P

Thursday

Hi my friend,
hehe... ya. Once in the while when I feel bored, will hang around at facebook, just to share some interesting videos with others. Meanwhile hoping for your appearance as well.

Yesterday is the nervous day to me. Kitty's dad and his brother were here for lunch and dinner. I managed to braised chicken mushroom and a place of spinach, as well as sweet potatoes drink as dessert. Well, though those dishes were simple, but eventually they finished them! haha.. Well, in that case, kinda of contented. Wanted to share with you once was done, but the moment I picked up my phone, I realized it is 2pm, which is your time 12 noon. Perhaps you were having some good lunch with your friends. Hence I just put down my hp and continue for the dish washing...

They will be back on Friday morning. Well, since they were here, it seems that my routine had been changed a little, with less studying.. .haha... Well, I felt that uneasy to have lesser time to read my books, while meanwhile my exam is just around the corner. Another 2 more weeks, I will be going to Sydney to take my second trial exam. Haiz, there are too much to study. I had been continuously studying, but why my studying speed is so slow? Perhaps my understanding was delayed due to the language used. Studying here... seriously not easy.

I have to continue studying again my friend, take care and update me any interesting news ya.. Ya, btw, how is teacher Low wedding testing? Wish her all the best as well ya. Remember to invite me for her wedding!

hugs

Wednesday

Suddenly one thing came to my mind which solve my doubt about your frequent appearance in facebook, loniness... Previously i thought that you are free and have time to enter fb, but now i just reliased that you are so bored. Nvm, as your friend, to reduce your loniless, i must be in Michiyou this session for every day if possible to get you have something to read on, even though it is not much, it still can consume some of your times in relaxing or thinking other things which are not related to your study.

I said i have story to tell right?? the story is about my dream. I dreamt of fatty the day before yesterday. In my dream, i broke up with him. I was quite happy for this because i can have freedom and he is so mumbling. But somehow i was sad as well, i thought of what we have gone through and i felt so sad. After that i woke up and the feeling was still wandering around me. Didnt know why, i showed my bad face to him in the morning and have a strong feeling to break up with him. But i kept asking myself why i need to do that? ? because of the dream? I dont know but the dream is so true that telling me that i was in my heart that night. I saw my feeling and my character.

How are you? ? if really bored must go out to walk walk or eat something. OR watch some short movie to release some stress. Dont cry at the corner o! i know you will do that, or perhaps you have already done that. So please, you must be strong and stronger. Miss you a lot here too.

MUAZ...need to go back and rest. take care!!!

Monday

Good night?? haha.. My place is 7.21 pm now. Just have my soft diet, as I was suffering from stomach wind the whole afternoon. Oh gosh, that was really unbearable.

Kitty had travel to Sydney this morning, leaving me staying alone at home, whilst my housemate, Sarah went for her part time job early morning, 6 a.m.... Well, she is a person who prefer working than studying. In fact most of the time, I just heard slight video sound in her room, whenever I want to take something from the refrigerator( btw, her room is just in front of the fridge). Haha, else the rest of the time she is taking her nap. Oh my, she must be a brilliant kid!

This morning, for the sake of reducing my miss towards kitty, I washed my comforter. The moment I brought it, I realized I forget to bring my key and outside was really COLD... Immediately I went to the receptionist to get a spare key to get it.. Gosh, today is 11 degree celcius, and it getting to become winter day now.

Nothing much done today. As usual, study, cook, eat and study and repeat again. Now is the only time where I write you a blog. Haha... you have short one today, I guess you are busy again. Hope you get well soon from your flu. Kinda miss you a lot... haha. I guess, loneliness...

hugs

Monday

How are you today? I am getting better compare to yesterday, just that my flu sound still on recovering stage. Although i have already recovered, my body still feels dizzy and energiless.

By the way, i have less motion on farting, how about you? I saw the jumper you posted, how much it costed you? i think must be quite dear, i can imagine that his face full of joy and hugging you with all his strength with a word attached "thank you".

That day, looi missed my lecture but his came to my tutorial. Oh gosh, it was quite an embarrased situation. I asked my class about the solution, but no response were given. I asked for 2nd time but the situation still remained. I was quite frustrated, but i kept asking, luckily one student responsed. Then i just taught like usual with little nervous. At last, thing went so fast, thanks god, looi went out already. What a relief , i can say. I dont care the result, as long as the butterfly feeling disapperead.

I am now in my office, thinking to go back to home to rest as still feel the tireness.

You must take good care of your health. DONt STRESS , think of me, then you will feel better.
hugs(haha)!

Saturday!

Hi dear friend,
how is your class when teacher Looi sat in? I am pretty sure that you got tense up, standing in front of him, with his grinning smile towards you... haha. Well, eventually is over since today is a Saturday. After all, time passes and everything are done.

Yesterday, finally, I bought the jacket for kitty.



Haha... this jacket is bought just because of those three letter words, ( don't misguide, is three, but not four... oops) haha

Sounds ironic right? But he loves it a lot...

I have to prepare for grocery shopping now. Take care

THURSDAY

How are you today? I am fine as usual here. I forgot to tell you one thing yesterday, i had received a letter from post office, at 1st i thought it might be something unimportant or something information leaflets. While the time i opened the thing just reliased that i got summon for not following the traffic light. The time stated was 8/20/2009 at 9.58, i have no idea how long the thing had past, then i just got inform recently through letter. I think later i need to go to the place we have been before in PJ old town. We drove there for the whole morning to find the polis station because you needed to pay the fee, can you remember? Actually i am quite lost now, i can't recall where is the place as it happened long time ago. Just have some tiny memory in my mind, what i can recall is the opposite of the polis station, there have some Malay hawker foods. Later i need to go there, i hope everything will be fine.

Tomorrow A looi will sit in my class, i started to nervous from the morning until now. Actually i need to correct it, my butterfly feeling is from yesterday until today, i still need to suffer tonight until tomorrow morning, it is a uneasy feeling. Trying to console myself, but i think it is useless because my mind keeps on pop up the situation of tomorrow. I dont know why, i scared no one, but him and Pua, i think. Maybe they are closed to me a little bit comparing to others. OMG, tolong tolong, pup pup pumping my heart.

Tonight i need to have rehersheal.

Anyway, feeling to boo boo. Hence will stop here. Take care!hugs

Thurday

Ouch ...that's really hurt the moment that I know you have such thought that I may put in unfavorable situation before sitting for the external papers. So sorry that I have giving you such an idea. Well, if I really want to do so, I won't waste my money to take exam P with you as well again. Well, don't worry of that, I am not angry at all. I guess after staying here quite sometime, looking at so many friendly people over here, nice and warmth, I truly feel that anger is such a tool that make her irrational. I won't feel angry towards you, so instead feeling grateful for telling me the truth of it. You are really such a good friend to me. I rather have a truthful friend, rather than a friend that just butter me up.

Oh, I guess you will be pretty busy devoted into your job for the coming semester. Must be hectic right? Well in that case, at least you are occupied with something, rather than a life of a zombie, walking, staying meaningless. Haha. Well, my life is kinda bored here, besides studies, is just still continuously study. Haha. I guess kinda bored to such extent that everyday, the moment I just wake up, the first thing I would think is math. Is time to do math AGAIN....

My daily routine is scheduled as such, morning 5.00a.m. , open my eyes, telling myself, "Oh no~ another day is gone, I have to make full use of my time to study math again before my exam C comes. Immediately go to the kitchen and boiled some hot water , sitting in front of the table, open my thick and bored ACTEX and starts. After about 2 hours, time for breakfast and watch a little anime while having my breakfast. haha. Lazy right? After eating cereal and having some snack fruits... ok . Is back to work again....

Haha... oh my.. such a boring life I have. Was my life is ruled as such that everyday I have to do math non-stop? However whenever I deal some challenging questions, that satisfaction of going through all this is great. Haha... But still I am kinda afraid of not able to get a job in my field as too many competition out there. Perhaps I should consider taking lecturing instead, well in such case ,I may have to study for Phd... But. but .... I don't want to study anymore!!!!

The moment you mentioned about that past semester where we hang around during holiday, oh my... the moment I think of that, all sweet memories appeared vividly! How much I will wish to have such great time with you again. Yesterday I had been searching through the net for JAPAN air ticket. I am longing to have a trip over there, however with my current condition and limited capital, with no extra income, it seems impossible. However I still wish to go for it. Maybe after I get my first job successful!

Have to tidy up my feelings again and back to work. Had been resting for the past one hour. Haha. Take care and have a nice day ya~

Tuesday

Sorry for dissapointing you about yesterday blog, i think today will delight you somehow as i will oath my promise to write an awesome long blog to you.

Actually i am quite pleased to hear that you and kitty and kitty's family are getting closer and closer to each other, this is a good sign for you and his future. I am sure that you are now worrying what to cook and finding delicious recipes for them, ha ha, must be in a very complicated situation. Relax my dear, you can cook very well as i know, hence just do whatever you can to please them. Will you cook fish head? haha, just thinking what you will cook...

I am now in the office, luckily just have some rest after class, as i know, next semester i will have 22 hours of teaching loads per week ,and not only me, it is applied to all academic staffs in foundation in PJ. You know what, this semester i only have 12 hours, the maximum hours of my experience was 16 , but next semester is double up, i am wondering how can i survive next semester. (dont pity me...hu hu hu...can you imagine, i am acting now, siok sendiri ya!)

Frankly speaking, i am quite jealous you can go abroad(no lying one), when i heard that you are suffering for every moment, then i felt i am lucky. But this is a good experience, i think i cant have this kind of stress compare to you, as i am always in a small world of my own. Sometimes think that you will be clever than me, i still have the sort of bad feeling in my heart, i think the day of rainbow will need some more time to go. As be your best friend, i cant hide any feeling from you, so i tell you truthfully, hope you can forgive me. You know what, yesterday when i was invigilating, i have one hour of free time by watching around, i thought of you again. I realised that Gemini is not a good horoscope, as i will have two different of attitudes. I remembered that during our long semester holiday break for 3 months, i was staying in Subang. So during our free times, we hang out around all over your place in subang, especially SS15 as we wanted to borrow comic to read. Suddenly i have a bad feeling came up, it told me that bacause of you bringing me to borrow comic, caused me couldnt finished study my P and MLC. In a sudden, another feeling told me that bacause of you love me and care of me, you werent willing to see me in a stressful situation, hence you give me some entertainment while studying.

Can you see or not, it is an extreme change within these two ideas. but at last, i followed the second idea as this made me feel warm and care. This made me think that, every time the bad feeling will come in the 1st place before the good feeling, if you let this bad feeling stays longer, it will totally affect your mindset. Therefore, dont be mischieve and stubborn then good feeling will conquer the bad one. I am wondering that how many of times that you heard my bad feeling, then you will feel hurt, very sorry for that. Although is a past tense, but at that point i had already hurt my friend. I feel so sorry to you.

Anyway, I hope that next time we meet up ,i wont be like that again. I am worrying for myself now. You know what, as we are best friend, i am not allowed myself to hurt you, hence i do hope i can conquer this. Haiz, i hope the god can help me go through this.

Come back to happy thing, Ms Low next week Tuesday will go to try gown for her wedding picture taking. But dont mention in facebook, as she doesnt want many ppl to know this. Anyway, it is a good new!Miss you a lot, every day will at least one time is thinking of you, and take care. Study hard but not hard until crazy, must eat, sleep enough and drink enough.

Jiayou and hugs!

Wednesday

hi dear friend,
that is really short. I had been waiting for your post since Sunday. Oh my, that was bad.... Kinda sad now. Haha.. just joking..

I am having study break now. Haha. Canberra is really a boring city, not much entertainment. I guess the only entertainment is hanging in the facebook and games websites. Well, I don't like to play game that often due to laziness. I am not those type who are keen in games actually. But definitely shopping.

Kitty will be going to Sydney coming Monday for his graduation. Well, is time for me to be alone again, as I have to be well prepared for my coming external paper in the end of April. I wanted to go , as I heard that there are a lot of fancy things and fun in Sydney. Well, I guess God said I have to study hard before enjoying my life. I am planning to buy kitty a ANU jacket, which all the while he is hoping for, but due to the cost ( kinda expensive), he is reluctant to buy. Haha. I am going to give him a slight surprise on the day he is on his way to his graduation. Even though I couldn't attend, I hope that this little present will make him feel loved.

By the way, for next week, kitty's dad and his brother will be coming over and they announced that want to try my cooking, since kitty had been praising me in front of them. >< I am really now in a hot soup. Hope that my cooking skill will not disappoint them..

I have to resume my study then. Hope to hear from you soon. Take care.

MOnday

hi my friend, recently there are lot of things coming up, hence i will be very busy for this week.
Sorry, i cant write much here as i need to go home later as fatty's sister today buy us dinner. Free dinner will be happy for me as you know, It is FREE!! haha, need to stop here, when i am free will write you a long blog. Take care.

dont too stress !!!

Sunday

Good morning, dear friend
today is a sunday. By today our time difference will be shorten to 2 hours. Haha. It is called a daylight saving, means that we have additional one more hour for night. Haha.

How are you today? I couldn't meet you up again for the past few days. I even sent you a message yesterday, but it seems that you are busy to reply. As a result, I just waited patiently.

I did nothing much yesterday, but when out for grocery shopping and back to for housekeeping. By the time all these were done, it was 7 pm. Oh gosh, I was tired and after dinner just when to sleep. The whole day was gone without studying. Haha... guilt arose around me now, I guess today will not be going anywhere but staying at home for study.

How are you? What have you done for the past few days? Had your internet been set up in your new home? I hope so, as I really to hope to have some time to chat with you over the internet.

I am currently having 2-week study week. Gosh, once the school starts, it indicates that my exam C is coming as well. Haha. I would be taking bus to Sydney( approximately 3.5 hours of ride from canberra) to take my exam. Haha, better hurry for the preparations.

Hugs, and have a nice day ya!

April fool too!

Happy happy April fool!! Actually i have totally forgotten this day, luckily my collegue Mr Poh mentioned this to me yesterday that reminded me of this day. Hence today i have fully prepared that not to be cheated by someone.

About my master course, i need to wait until August as the registration for July entry had already closed before March. I am late for this hence i need to wait until August to have my registration done , then the exact date to start the class will be on December. This is quite a long waiting period i think, therefore i think i need to find something to improve myself in the aspect of knowledge or skills.

My house actually is still in the same condominuim but just moved to a different unit. I think recently it is quite unlikely to post my picture , the reason is, i still havent taken any nice pictures. if possible i want to post nice nice de to you :)...So you need to wait for sometimes, and the time taken is followed a normal distribution with mean 7 days and standard deviation 4 days( this week i taught normal, and dont know why this thing came up suddenly, ha ha, this is called occupation sickness).

I do hope that we can go to a vacation in the near future, i really look forward to that. I need to collect some money for this, your words make me thristy for vacation, i am not devoured for foods but vacation with my best friend, hui hui mermaid!Started to go crazy...uncontrolled...my mind is jumping up and down now...

You know what, my mind keeps appearing a fuuny picture... duck. Yesterday, you told me Australia has many of wandering duck in the street, it is a weird scence to me. While you are walking, you see a duck just pass by you. I think if i were you, this is one of the culture shock to me. Anyway, it is a good experience though, a good exposure.

It 's time for me to pack thing and go back home. take care. Hugs

happy april fool day

Hi,
I was really contented and surprised the moment I received your call. Burst into happiness that I couldn't describe in words. I guess I had been missing you a lot a lot.

By the way, happy April fool day. As we getting older, we seems to not paying such little day exists. Haha. The moment I log into my facebook, reading people's display message , I only recall today is April fool day. Haha. We are getting old already, didn't really play such prank as we used to during childhood.

How is your new environment? Snap some photos to let me view on your new home? Will it be convenient to drive such a long distance to work? When is your exact date for your master course. Hope to hear from you about your course and how is your feelings after taking it.

Obviously if you have the chance to explore, I will fully support you. Staying within the boundary is just limiting your experience and knowledge in your life. Get out of there and draw another bright future for you. Even though is not as bright as you think of, but I believe you will never regret. It was really good! Even though this is the first time my exploration in Australia, in fact I will explore even more once I get into the society, which is another challenge to me. All the while, I was covered and protected in my lovely sweet home, but now, I learn to face my life, my happier life and people around me. I hope I could share all this happiness to you , right at this spot. Obviously I still miss my family a lot a lot. Everyday had been praying hard for them, hoping them to be safe and sound. My love towards them will never change and never end. Of course, towards you my best friend as well, seriously I miss you a lot.

Hope to hear from you soon. If one day, you have decided to go taiwan, even though is just a short vacation, please inform me. I will reserve some funds to accompany you. Because I really want to grant my promise to you, to have a good memory of trip with you in my life. However, you can't stop me taking a lot of pictures of you. And I will post our happy memories here --- our michiyo!

yinghui

Wednesday 31 March 2010

Today is the last day for March in 2010, hence it is a special day.

Quite sad that didnt see your reply, but i know that you are busy with your studies. How is your studies?You must study hard as your subjects are getting tougher and tougher, hence, ignoring my feeling as study is very important because it is your proof to your family. I really miss you terribly recently.Another thing is, you also need to find some new friends and join some activities with them, that is good for health indeed, Ha. I am here fine as usual, just that i got lot of things to do, for eg, setting test questions for replacement students and it's time to key in all the data. Besides, just moved in a new house and i still lot of things need to tidy up and pack. Hence it is quite a busy life recently.

Anyway, really hope that you can do well in your studies but dont too stress up at the same time. Ya, the last thing i want to tell you is i really angry with fatty recently and we keep arguing almost everyday. He gives me a kind of bad face and i really cant tolerate, i also give him the same face. Suddenly i have a feeling to break up with him...i can imagine your expression now...you are laughing and say" again?how many times you say this to me??". But seriously, i really dont know how long we can last for our relationship. Another thing is he keeps asking me to message his back and i really lazy because he will ask for every day. He is fat hence i need more energy to message and i am very tired of that. Actually, he becomes more demanding recently.Haiz, dont know how long will need to go....

sorry for throwing my emotion to you here...hope you dont mind.

take care

Monday

So so so happy and exicted to see your reply. Ya, same as my expectation that you are busy recently, i hope that you can do well on you studies. It is good that you can spend every Sunday for grocerry shopping as you can have some relax rather than every moment in front of your table and with all the book scattered around. Luckily this time back to penang, everything was safe and smooth, the most important thing is No argument happened in between my kuma and my parents. I have been praying for the whole week for this because once in awhile in a year, i hope to have a nice meeting up and eventually the god didn't upset me and performed my wish. Thanks...

I think i am gaining some weight my mother said. I ate quite frequent recently and i think i should send you some of my picture to prove my words. I hope my weight remains after i send you my picture or video. Ha, don't know why, my happy feeling still flying over and over my whole body. Ya, today i need to move my thing to another new building and i wish i could finish everything by today, it sounds like impssible but i do hope i can complete it by today.

I am going to join A looi course as this is the easiest subjects among mathematical science and statistics. I asked Ms Pua, she said i should do what i wanted to do instead of choosing somethign that i dont like. I told her about my situation, she said the same thing, xian1 zhan3 hou4 zou4. But she suggested me to do more chinese writing to gain reputation, and then i can convince my family for my achievement. But i said i cant wait ad, then she said applied statistical is not tough just that lots of assignments. Hence, i think i will choose that. All in all, i will con't what i like as a side dish.

need to rush for class at 12noon, still have 5 mins for me to say bye bye here. Really miss you and i dreamt of you again...cant recall but have some blur image. take care. hope to see your reply

Sunday

Sorry for the late reply. I had been busying around with studies nowadays as things are getting tougher and tougher.

How are you recently? So sorry that I wouldn't able to skype with you on Friday's night. I had been waiting for you till 12 and kinda tired at that point. Kitty did told me that the next day. So sorry about that.

I know that you are currently in Penang, having praying ceremony. Oh my, how much I wish to be in Malaysia as well to pay a visit to my grandfather. However I will think of him deep in my heart.

Yesterday (saturday), Kitty and I went for grocery shopping, spending almost the whole day in the complex. We bought a lot of things, obviously fish heads again. Haha, our main source of food. I think kitty and I would be eating that quite sometime. Maybe in a year!?? haha... Well, it is healthy anyway. How are you diet habit recently? Haven't been seeing you more than a week. Miss you terribly. Haiz, I understand that have your own activities and other friends as well, but kinda sad knowing that we both cannot be as often as usual. Well, I guess perhaps is time for me to have a new gang of friends as well.

Haha, have to boil some soup for today since today is a Sunday. I would like to have some proper meal with soup to prepare myself to have good future. Dear Lord, let's work hard for it... Same to you too ya.
Hope to hear from you soon.

Wednesday

I dreamt of you yesterday night. In my dream, we were not in Malaysia but in European countries. Both of us wore dress and you were green with yellow dots and I was blue with yellow dots too, if i am not mistaken. We liked running around in the garden and playing with each other, this is all i can recall now, others than that i have already forgotten as the dream is too long. But i am quite happy to have this dream, because having you in my dream i can still feel that you are together with me no matter how far we are now. Maybe i am so miss you even though in my dream i still can see you there. Recently, you have become my dream mate, ha ha ha.

Ya, i hope that we can have one month holidays and we travel the whole Europe countries, just 3 of us. Possible or not? ha, miss you a lot la...Monday Ms Low asked me whether i can give her more care like that day she already asked from me, i looked at her and my mind was blank. If she were you, i could straight away said no problem, but she is not. She said she feels envy of our friendship and she hopes that i can give the care like the way i give to you. I was stunned at the moment and i looked at her silently. You and she are different because we have gone through so many things that it cant really explain. One thing very important is, she said that she is afraid that she will be dependant so much on me if i give her care.Then she asked, " can i depend on you?", i was quiet at that moment, deep in my heart indeed, i cant say "yes". I feel scared if she depends on me, i am bad is it? I cant hurt her , so i just smile and i said " i dont know what kind of care you want and i am not sure that my care is the care that you are referring to?" Suddenly she said, "i think i cant force you, if really cant then never mind, i really anxious that i will depend on you if you care for me". Hui Hui, i am very scared now because i am not willing to care her like the way i care you since you and her have different position in my heart. I will care her like i care for good friend but not best friend, otherwise good friend and best friend will be the same. Am i too cruel? But i just told her that I will help her that it.

Hui Hui, one thing to let you know, maybe i will study maths for statistics in UM. Ya, i really can't tolerate the stresses that my family give, i am more willing to tolerate silently of the stress on my maths rather than the stress they give me. You are my best friend, i need to tell you this since you are worrying for my future for quite sometimes. I know maybe "the future" will be going to happen, but now i am thinking to do "something different" at the same time to change "the future". The "something different" i will let you know once i decided.

Take care my friend, cant see you on your skype today.(disappointed)

Tueday

When I was preparing my lunchbox this morning,
I saw there is a rack where usually used for drying the plates and utensils,
A thought came to me,
I wanted to shift that thing away as it is not spacious enough for me to cook.
Suddenly I thought of you ,
don't ask me why... I wouldn't know.

I imagined that with the absence of the rack,
I couldn't put all the washed clean plates over,
and imagine that you will beside me,
receiving those plates I handed to you,
taking a piece of clothes and wipe them dry.
I guess deep in my heart, I still hoping that we have a chance to stay in the same apartment together,
where we cook together,
study together,
shop together,
and who knows bath together (haha)

Well, I guess I am lonely today again,
start to miss you!

oh my god, the previous one is not correct file, i dont want to upload that one.........haiz, faith, press wrongly...nvm hope you enjoy. I feel so shy now,as that one really supposed to be deleted one. :(

yeah, successfully uploaded. I am afraid that 2mr cant really accompany you, hence i have this video clip to accompany you and your free time. muaz

Saturday... lonely sat

Kitty went back to Malaysia yesterday late evening. Today I would be alone, staying in my hostel, while my housemate, Sarah went to a morning part-time job. Even though we both live at the same apartment, however there aren't too much contact and communication between us. Well, I would say we both live quite happily, as at the moment now there is not much conflict between me and her. Today I felt extra lonely, perhaps without kitty's companion and today is supposed to be a groceries shopping day. I have to work hard for my assignment which will be due this coming Monday. Oh my, the questions are extremely difficult, which you need to construct a total new question, which cannot refer to any books and provide the solution. Haha. Studying here is really a mess.

Obviously I would want to see your video. Haha. Please upload here or send it to my mail if you have the free time. I miss those days where we both having time together, having breakfast together and chit-chatting all the time. Once in awhile, we both go for a small shopping, just a nearby store will make us content the whole day. Oh my, I really realized I miss you a lot.

Don't worry, whether you are taking whatever course, it doesn't really matter. But I believe that you will make a wise choice eventually. Perhaps is God's plan to let you stand in the 2 way paths, and this affects your future eventually. I have no right to interfere instead, but just to support your thinking.

Oh my, how much I wish you are online at the moment, and at least I feel that you are just besides me. Well, your place is still very early at the moment. I guess you must be sleeping soundly by now. Miss you

FOR my dearest hui hui

Yesterday i created a video for you to express my feeling, unfortunately after recording, i opened to view just realised that my voice was too soft the hear, i only can observed my mouth moving. Sienz diao, i actually wanted to let you see how sad and how angry i am. Never mind, do you want it? if yes, then i will post it.

According to yesterday issue, i was very unwilling to say "Yes" to my father. He called me yesterday and he asked me whether i would go to my kuma's house this weekend as he will be coming to stay one night. Hence, he needs some one to open door for him as my kuma does not want to do so. I asked my father to come to my house to stay and then the answer he gave me which totally upset me as he said my room is too small and not comfortable to sleep. He disfavored my place. I am not willing to go to my kuma's house as i feel pressure every time. I want to escape, i want to run far far away from her, but every time i will still follow her way. I want to study Chinese study, but she is the one who wants me to do Maths and Actuarial Science. I feel like she is controlling my life. I want to prove to her my point of view is correct but just afraid that i cant do well in chinese study and this causes me cant find a job and then she will blame me for all this.

What should i do? ya, you said i can get a job, i trust you but the thing is, you remembered P exam? you said i can pass but you were using sth to exchange a pass for my P. Hence i am afraid that you are doing the same thing again. Sorry to say that, but just dont want you to do this for me as not worth while of losing sth. So tell me truthfully, are you doing this? if no, i may go to study in Chinese Study but i dont know how to tell my kuma once i get it. Nvm i will try to apply 1st then see the result how, if they accpet me then i will con't but if they dont, then i will study back the mathematical sciences.

haha. sorry to keep on emo emo. So see whether can post up another video today.

Don't know why, started from this morning until now, i feel so dizzy.Perhaps it was due to yesterday i just ate 2 packets of magie mees, now without strength for every move despite of sitting.

Ya, yesterday i thought for the whole night, i shouldn't have thought like that but i had already done it, it was too late to apologize, hence, what i can do is just wishing you all the best in Australia. I know actually there are quite some friends of you are really nice to you without any bad intention on you, they can be your good friend. I am just a hopeless person, i have no idea i will or will not hurt you again, i am bad. So, don't care about my feeling, you can find another good friend who is much more better than i.

I am not fine, but i think i will be fine soon. Study hard, i know you can do it. Live happily and stay strong no matter how tough is the situation. Will pray for you every day.

是的，我应该向你道歉对于我当时的犹豫，对不起我的好朋友。

我没忘记过这个部落格，只是没有那么频率去开阅。

之前10 月份写的，翻阅的数次，发现你没有去留意，还以为你忘了，怕自己伤心，所以没有再写了。今天突然心血来潮，才勇敢的把它翻开。

自从那次我的伤害，你也不再那么的留意我了，我还以为你已经忘记我了呢。

真的很对不起，我竟然伤了你一次又一次，我看这次的离别，可以让你不要那么不开心。

我画了一小幅画打算送给你，但却不知怎么面对你，最后一次的相见，我的勇气还提不出来。而且当我很勇敢的时候，你却不再家，我还蛮有遗憾对于无法见你在你离开以前。

不懂以后咱们还会不会是好朋友，但在我的心目中， 你还是在原本的地位。我这种说法没有要你一定把我放在心头，只是把心里话告诉你，因为我们是没有秘密的。你如果找到很好的朋友，一定要好好珍惜，我虽然会吃醋，但我的感受不重要，交个好的良朋知己才是最重要。我不懂是不是太执着了，写着写着也哭了。 别管我，你要加油哦!相信australia 是个好地方，你可以的。

果然。。。

果然你已经遗忘了这里，
那是不是意味着我们这里也应该结束呢？
每天重复又重复的来带此地，
换回来的却是失望与悲哀。

我看还是算了，
应该你忙吧，
还是我为自己找个借口。。

分离

好久没有来到这里，
我相信你也应该遗忘了我们之间的联系，
想起那天的电邮，
说起犹豫的时刻，
我的心真的冷了，
因为我真的真心对你，
可是却遭到了不应的对待。

再过几个星期，
我也应该会离开了吧，
也相信你应该不会看到这个部落格了。
谢谢你一直以来对我的关怀，
因为我认识你，
我觉得我的记忆就有如把不完整的puzzle联系了起来，
说真的我真的很喜欢你这个朋友，
可以说，真的真的很喜欢。
希望你将来会成为你想要的得到的梦想，
也希望你永远幸福快乐！